Sports/Rec — 01 April 2013
Lake Winnepesaukah (Used under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic License. Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/milst1/5935526489/)

Lake Winnepesaukah
(Used under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic License. Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/milst1/5935526489/)

At a news conference, Lake Winnepesaukah Amusement Park in Rossville, GA announced a new expansion project, which will build upon the planned water park called “SoakYa” scheduled to be open for the Summer 2013 season.

While SoakYa, which derives its name from the last two syllables of “Winnepesaukah,” is intended to be an all-ages, family-oriented water park, the addition will only be open to persons aged 18 and older and will be located on an island on the outskirts of SoakYa.

The island, to be called The Wet Spot, will be clothing-optional and feature adult-oriented rides and entertainment for adults only.

Lake Winnepesaukah spokesperson Donny Kreymer said, “Amsterdam doesn’t have a thing on us!  The Wet Spot will feature bars, swinger clubs and erotic food stands.  Adults of all ages will be sure to get a thrill on rides such as Willie the One-Eyed Wonder Worm, Over Bukkake Falls in a Barrel and Sybian: The Ride. Prepare to get soaked!”

“There are watersports, and then, there are watersports, if you know what I mean,” said Kreymer with a wink.  “Urine therapy is not only fun, it’s good for you, too.  Reportedly, Gandhi would slash into his own mouth every morning.  Remember: you can’t say ‘Winnepesaukah’ without saying ‘pee soak ya.’”

Kreymer continued, “If you want a break from all the anonymous, consequence-free hookups and genital-busting rides, you can enjoy an erotic cake at Punani Annie’s – be sure to ask for some Annie Sprinkles on that cupcake!  Or, sample some fine north Georgia wines in our wine tasting room, ‘Spit or Swallow.’”

“At The Wet Spot, you’ll feel like a kid in a candy store.  And by ‘kid’ I mean ‘consenting adult,’ and by ‘candy store’ I mean ‘fuck wonderland,’” said Kreymer.

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Francis Porkloin

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jenny.norton.140 Jenny Norton

    This is insane

  • Guest

    This a joke?

  • Eddie Riggs

    I was seriously looking for a waterpark with no kids, but this freaking site is hilarious! Not only does your waterpark have no kids, but it’s like Hedonism in Georgia! ROFLMAO! Now seriously back to my search for a waterpark without screaming little demons running around. Wish me luck that it’s not a swingers paradise!